I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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