Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
