Got a toothbrush?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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