Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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