You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
