Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
