i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
