everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
