their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
