a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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