I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
