if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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