Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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