Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
