I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
false alarm, still single
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
