i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
