We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Green mimosas i think yes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Randomize
