Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
