My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
