They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
