I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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