that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
