Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That's when you crack a 10am beer
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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