I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
