he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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