Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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