Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
