I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
this boner is exhausting
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
