I think I died a long time ago.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
