if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
