You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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