ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
