lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
