Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
