Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
