just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
