One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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