I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
