Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got chris browned last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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