my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
