It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
