I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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