Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
