I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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