Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
