can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
