Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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