i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
