Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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