so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
