My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
