I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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