did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
