This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
