nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize