the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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