i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
