Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
God I need to hump something, right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
