i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
