goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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