Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
