Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
