And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
