You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
