New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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