actually, I'm a sock model
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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