pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
