I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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