I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
